What Truly Matters in the End

I recently attended the funeral of a remarkable woman who lived for nearly a century. While her eulogy included impressive accomplishments—she was intelligent, athletic, adventurous, and a leader who fought for equality—what struck me most deeply was how her daughters spoke about her personal qualities. This extraordinary woman built her legacy not just through achievements, but through how she treated others. She lived by love, gratitude, and humility, offering help respectfully, opening her home to those far from their own, and listening with genuine empathy and patience.

Her wisdom was beautifully captured in the beliefs she passed on to her daughters. She cautioned them: “Don’t Major in the Minors.” This triggered my considering how many of us fixate on small grievances, allowing a single comment or moment to overshadow an entire relationship. She taught her children to avoid this trap, encouraging them to maintain strong bonds without requiring perfect friendship. “Keep your friendships in good repair,” she advised—a simple yet profound reminder that relationships require intentional care. She acknowledged that even the best and closest friendships can falter. Each of us is human; everyone makes mistakes. These weren’t just words; she lived these principles daily. Both joy as well as forgiveness flowed naturally from her because of this approach to life.

The consequences of her philosophy were evident in her own happiness. By choosing not to track missteps or harbor resentments, she avoided the physical and mental health toll that bitterness exacts—increased stress, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, and weakened immunity that research links to holding grudges. Instead of allowing anger and disappointment to fester for weeks, months, or decades, this woman cultivated repair, positivity and humor. She understood intuitively what science confirms: resentment poisons our ability to trust and reason with both us and others.

This woman who made the world better through her presence exemplified a life of purpose, meaning, and gratitude. Her approach wasn’t just spiritually rewarding, it worked practically, encouraging strong, independent daughters who carry her values forward. I left the funeral reflecting on how truly extraordinary people are defined by their capacity for love, forgiveness, and nurturing connections. Her greatest achievement was demonstrating how a well-lived life prioritizes people over grievances, relationships over being right, and kindness over keeping score. What better legacy could any of us hope to leave?

The Healing Power of Tears

A dear friend recently suffered a serious accident leaving parts of her body immobilized, with uncertain prospects for full recovery. Despite facing multiple surgeries and profound physical challenges, she shared something that is not unusual—she tries not to cry, fearing that once started, the tears might never stop. At the beginning of this saga, that was the case. And she found that living in the emotion day and night, night and day, zapped her strength, making it hard for her to focus on both the healing and ability to grow spiritually through the experience. She knew herself well and wanted to honor the need to express her frustration, sadness, disappointment etc. without having that consume her.

I started thinking about how for many people, a reluctance to cry reveals a complicated relationship with vulnerability. This is particularly true for those of us accustomed to relying on our physical strength as a measure of having control.

Resistance to shedding tears isn’t uncommon. In some cultures, crying is equated with weakness. In many places it is taboo to cry in public or in front of children or—or– or. Many of us have heard a persistent message that showing emotion (crying) demonstrates fragility rather than humanity. Yet, by inhibiting our tears from flowing, we can deny ourselves one of our most powerful healing mechanisms. Research confirms what some people have long understood—emotional crying releases stress hormones while stimulating our body’s natural comfort systems. For those of us facing physical recovery, emotional expression isn’t a detour from healing but an essential component of the journey toward wholeness.

Perhaps this can be a moment to examine our relationship with our own and other people’s tears.

Here are some gentle tips for embracing tears as medicine:

1. Create a safe space: Designate a private, comfortable environment where you can express emotions without judgment or interruption.
2. Set gentle boundaries: If control feels important, use a timer for 5-10 minutes of emotional release, knowing you can choose to continue or pause when it sounds.
3. Use supportive self-talk: Replace thoughts like “I’m falling apart” with “I’m releasing what needs to be released” and “This emotional expression is healing” and “Right now I need to cry to restore my strength.”
4. Honor the physical process: Hydrate and rest afterward, acknowledging that this deep emotional release requires physical energy.
5. Document insights: Keep a small notebook nearby to capture the clarity or wisdom that often emerges in the quietude following tears.
6. Share with trusted others: Consider inviting a compassionate friend to simply witness your emotions without trying to fix or change them—their presence can help the vulnerability feel safer.

In these moments of surrender to emotion, something remarkable often happens—a subtle shifting of perspective that no amount of analysis can provide. My hope for all of us is that we might discover tears not as an endless void to be feared, a faucet that cannot be turned off, but as a necessary passage through which our strength will transform, deepen, and ultimately find new expression along whichever is our path toward recovery. There is something to be gained from “a good cry.”

Embracing Your Creative Spirit

Each of us has creativity within us, regardless of messages we may have internalized throughout our lives. If you were told you “don’t have a creative bone in your body” or that you’re “not the creative one” in your family, consider this an invitation to reclaim an essential part of yourself. Creativity isn’t reserved for artists or musical prodigies—it flows through everyone in unique ways, waiting to be expressed through something sweet, delicious, kind, unusual, or entirely new. Your creative acts need not be BIG; they can emerge from any emotional landscape, humor or humility, sadness or joy, boredom or excitement. The act of creating, consistently repeated, gradually transforms how we perceive yourself and our relationship with the world around us. We just need to use our imagination!

Begin by believing in your creative capacity, then commit to creating something—anything—each day. Through this practice, you’ll gradually discover what you can offer the world. And, in beautiful reciprocity, be open to what the world offers you in return. As regular readers know, this Daily Habit section encourages practices that become woven into your expanding, healthy life. When we consistently incorporate nourishing activities into our days, our sense of contentment to those practices naturally deepens. Daily creation unveils interests both known and yet-to-be-discovered, sparks curiosity, and builds self-efficacy as we accomplish things we may never have believed possible. With each small creative act, we affirm that we are not merely a passive recipient of life, but an active participant in shaping our experience and contributing our unique perspective to our collective story.