Tis the Season to…focus as we struggle? We can try.

I don’t know about you, but many, many years ago I felt pride because I was able to multitask by juggling many things at once. Sometimes it felt like a badge of honor, the more things I did at once (and that is impossible because we can only FOCUS on one thing at a time). We are not able to do two or more things well, at once, especially if the task involves complex cognitive engagement. What we are doing is rapidly switching between multiple tasks. We may think we are doing them all equally well…until we notice errors, fatigue, a decrease in productivity, and distress.

Decades ago, I started diving into the research on stress and learned that multitasking may have been a source of pride but juggling so many “balls in the air” became a major source of stress. Especially when I and others were less likely to focus on the balls that we successfully (and sometimes miraculously) kept in the air, but we invariably focused on the balls that fell to the ground.

The “to do” list was just too long and the inability to attend to everything at once became problematic. We asked ourselves what others asked: “Why couldn’t we do it all?” There’s a midday call from the school nurse to pick up a sick child, an elderly parent needs increasing care, a last-minute business trip, a close friend’s addiction problem, an unexpected health diagnosis. Many of these balls are big and heavy and need our undivided attention while we are already juggling the pieces of our everyday lives.

When we watch a professional juggler, we are on the edge of our seat, holding our breath, hoping that none of the balls drop. But this is a show, and it lasts for a short time. Real life juggling is the opposite. So, we need to determine how we juggle for the long term while making sure we can accommodate what is needed for the short term. And what does juggling look like in the real world of our busy lives?

Decades ago, when I began talking to groups about positive and negative effects of stress, I often opened my presentation while juggling (or trying to juggle) many balls: big and small, heavy, and light. I asked people to offer some of the balls they were juggling that week, and I labeled each ball as I tried to keep them in the air. People shouted out different tasks they performed each day. As I heard each one, I picked up another ball and added it to the group. Oops, I just dropped the “get the dog to the vet” ball. Oh no! There goes the “buy a birthday present for the babysitter” ball. Not again! Now the “coffee with my best friend which has been cancelled twice this month” just hit the floor. People quickly got the message. I attempted to demonstrate the insanity of this juggling effort and the potentially deleterious effect it can have on our mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health (hence the origin of “Sanity Savers”).

All of this research and experience has helped us understand why it is better to focus on the balls still in the air, be gentle with ourselves when we drop the balls that land on the floor and recognize what we need to do to focus on one thing at a time. This helps us be present for our own health and the health of those with whom we interact. We know we are better off focusing on one thing at a time. But it is difficult to do. Sitting with a teen after school seems to provide an opportunity for real connection when our cell phone is not buzzing on the table. Talking with a friend on the phone is better when we do not hear typing on a keyboard in the background. Pushing a child on the swing while talking to or singing with them can be as much fun for the adult as for the child.

When we engage in one thing at a time we can focus more deeply, have a richer experience, improve the quality of our work, reduce the possible negative effects of switching tasks, and possibly, enter a state of “flow” where we are totally absorbed.

Visiting a sick person? Put down your phone. Going to a kid’s game? Watch them. Wrapping a present? Feel the texture of the paper and ribbon. Preparing dinner? Utilize all your senses.
Even with numerous demands and incalculable balls to juggle, we can be in the present, enjoy the process, expand our brain, and give ourselves space to be grateful for this moment.

Cultivating Gratitude: Tips for a Happier, Healthier Brain

Finding moments of gratitude can be transformative in our fast-paced daily experiences. Research shows that gratitude not only uplifts our spirits but also enhances brain function and mental health. Here are some practical tips to work gratitude into our daily lives, inspired by insights from neuroscience, religion, and positive psychology.

Start a Gratitude Journal
Begin or end the day by jotting down three things we are grateful for. This simple practice can shift our focus from what’s lacking to the abundance around us, activating the brain’s reward centers and boosting our mood.

Set Clear Goals
Having clear goals gives our brain a sense of direction and purpose. Regularly revisiting these goals can foster a sense of accomplishment and gratitude for the progress we make.

Practice Mindfulness
Incorporate mindfulness practices such as meditation or deep breathing into our routine. These activities help calm the mind, allowing us to appreciate the present moment and reduce stress.

Strengthen Social Connections
Reach out to friends and family regularly. Expressing gratitude towards others not only strengthens relationships but also enhances our own emotional well-being.

Prioritize Rest
Get enough sleep and downtime. A well-rested brain is more capable of processing emotions positively, making it easier to feel grateful.

Seek Professional Support
If we are struggling with mental health challenges, we can consider seeking therapy. Professional guidance can provide strategies to cultivate gratitude and improve overall well-being.

By incorporating these practices into our lives, we can nurture a grateful brain, leading to increased happiness and resilience. Remember, gratitude is a journey—take it one step at a time.