Things Evolve

September 27, 2018

Friendships

November 1, 2018

September 27, 2018

We can help our children along successful life paths by encouraging their achievement from a sense of purpose rather than a sense of obligation or a fear of disappointment. We can emphasize their unique talents and promise. Ideally, we want them to feel good about their authentic selves as they discover the type of a person they are and want to become.

Demanding or imposing our desires or goals onto our children not only often backfires but denies our children the opportunity to be who they are meant to be. Consider observing and listening to your child, engaging in meaningful dialogue to gain a better understanding of how they are feeling, and what they want out of their own lives. As we listen, we can better gauge how we can guide and inspire them as they understand their own views of the world and we can model how to handle pleasant and unpleasant experiences. We can help them expand their horizons and discover their own inner strengths. With practice, our kids can find out who they are, become independent, and lay the groundwork for dealing with disappointments and hardships in ways that are both mentally and physically healthy.

Here are a few tips to practice:

Practice Listening Better – Be aware of our biases as we try to focus with an intention to learn. By listening in a focused way we can ask better-informed questions. Give kids space to express their thoughts and ideas, and encourage them to explore who they think they are (this evolves over time). Teach them to be curious about ideas and people who are different from them. Help them become aware when their thinking becomes “narrow” as this can help them develop the mindset and skills to be open and adaptable as circumstances change. Healthful adapting to change builds resilience.

Be a Source of Support – Life is full of disappointments and surprises. Many times things don’t work out as we hoped or planned. That can be painful. It’s important to let kids know that we are there for them and that they can come to us to talk through their feelings and responses and choices. If we can demonstrate empathy (see and feel things from their perspective), we can be more likely to create a foundation for trust that allows a strong and honest relationship to grow.

Be Honest – Talk honestly. Ask questions that allow kids to share who and what they are. Validate their feelings, as this helps them believe they are heard as well as understood and accepted. This helps to give them strength and desire to know they are okay and that they can find ways to adapt when necessary. It also demonstrates that we care.

Refer to The Kindness Advantage as a resource.