GivingDecember 1, 2016
Trauma and ResilienceJanuary 31, 2017
Many people talk about change… jobs, homes, relationships, habits, attitudes, behaviors. When we want to make changes, it helps to understand that at the core of change is making different choices from the ones we have made before. So much about change is about decision making. When we have an idea of what we are missing in our lives regarding what will help us discover and live according to a life of purpose and meaning, we can make decisions that reflect that. Once we make up our minds to change, we can deal with many things we never thought possible. And we can do what many think is impossible if we approach some of the obvious and not so obvious elements that can get in our way.
Even though we may want to make changes, we may be afraid to. What we have is familiar. How do we know what we want will be better? We don’t! But we act as if it will be, which makes it a bit easier to deal with the fear of change. Any transition is difficult (I have written about this before) and often because we don’t want to enter a “space” where we are not sure of the outcome. We feel uncertain, unfamiliar, uncomfortable. Maybe the inner voice in our head isn’t as supportive as it could be and we avoid going forward because we are afraid we don’t really know what we are doing and may fail. We can feel overwhelmed or exhausted, and that we don’t have the time to do the work that’s needed. Or, we just may not have confidence.
Some people turn their lives upside down and others take small steps to begin and keep moving toward a goal. Whatever the style, having a cheerleading squad helps. People who are supportive, interested, and helpful as you wonder if you can “DO THIS” is usually a whole lot better than flying solo. Having another person believe in you — especially when you doubt yourself — can be a great gift.
- Pay attention to what we have instead of what we don’t have. It is helpful to breathe in slowly and write down three things that we have that we would miss if we did not have them. Three things for which we are grateful. Creating change is a bit easier when we feel inner strength and gratitude.
- If a behavior has not worked for us and we keep doing it over and over waiting for it to work, it likely won’t work. We can decide to try something different and try it for a period of time.
- If we are waiting for someone we love to become a new person, and we have been waiting for quite some time, likely they will remain who they are. We can think about doing the changing ourselves so we can live with that person in a healthier way.
- If we do not hear from people we like, instead of focusing on why they are not calling us, or keeping score of who reached out to whom when, just reach out, connect to see how they are doing, what has been going on in their lives, and reconnect with love.
- If we are waiting for someone to come and change our lives for us, it may be a very long wait. We need to focus and then take actions to create change. When we prioritize this change as important then we can create the time and space to work towards it.
- Take a new route to get to where you usually go instead of taking the old and familiar route. Pay attention to what you see. Notice.