The Heart of Courage: Navigating Grief, Fear, and Kindness

As a child, I watched The Wizard of Oz multiple times. Zeke, (The Cowardly Lion), wore his vulnerability on his furry sleeve, had difficulty saying what he felt, and I loved him. I very much wanted him to be brave, despite his fear. He observed that “True courage is facing danger when you are afraid.” I know this is true for me because sometimes I find myself in situations where I need to do something, and I am very aware that I feel frightened. Do I continue to proceed, or do I take my fear as a cue to retreat? It depends. When I am in that situation, I remember that it was Zeke who said: “Even the bravest people get scared.” So, being scared isn’t always enough of a reason to NOT do something. If I am “TOO SCARED to think clearly or TOO SCARED to move, then likely I should listen to myself and take it down a notch if I can. If I cannot, then I need to tell myself that it is okay to feel afraid and “I can do this!” (whatever “this” is). Truthfully, sometimes I am wrong…very wrong; but sometimes, I’m not. I like to think of myself as a courageous person who sometimes feels scared (rather than a scared person who is sometimes courageous).

The Latin word for heart is “cor”. “Cor” is the root of the word courage. Originally, courage was meant “to speak one’s mind while telling all one’s heart.” As I think back on my life, which fortunately, has been filled with many adventures, people have asked me, “Weren’t you scared?” Yes! Sometimes I was VERY scared…and as a result, I either didn’t do what I had hoped to do, or I did it with a rapidly beating heart, clammy hands, and shaky knees. Sometimes, oddly, I wasn’t afraid at all. Truth is, I did not always know in advance how I would respond. I needed to take the risk to find out.

As we all know, taking risks might not always work out. Things can go badly. We might be laughed at, take a financial hit, come in second, hurt ourselves, or not complete what we set out to do. In extreme cases, the consequences can be dire. But we always have a chance to learn. And honestly, is living life without risk even possible? Can we navigate the world without encountering setbacks? I don’t think so. This is why courage, tempered with kindness (toward ourselves and others) is essential. Life demands it. We cannot achieve anything meaningful without it.

The greatest achievements are often marked by an ability to act courageously with kindness, despite slim chances for success. We can think of people who have stood up for what they believed in despite the odds against them. George Washington, during the harsh winter of 1777-1778 at Valley Forge, found inspiration to motivate himself and his troops. More recent examples include Rosa Parks whose “quiet courage” in 1955, by staying seated on a bus when challenged, helped to ignite the Civil Rights movement; Malala Yousafzai in 2012, advocating for girls’ education despite threats to her life; and Nelson Mandela’s unwavering lifetime commitment to justice, peace, and reconciliation in the face of immense personal sacrifice. These people, among others, can inspire us in their willingness to take risks.

We won’t always win in life, but we can NEVER win without the ability to acknowledge the possibility of losing and the courage to proceed anyway. So, let’s be brave. And in our bravery, let’s not forget the power of kindness. In these fraught times of division and hatred, we can answer the call to be courageous by incorporating kindness into our actions.

Kindness and compassion are not just virtues; they are essential elements of a fulfilling life. Small acts can make a world of difference. As I have often said, kindness not only uplifts others but also fortifies our own spirit. It has the potential to create a connection that transcends differences and fosters a sense of community and understanding. Hatred does the opposite. There is no place for hate in a civil society. When we act with kindness, we inspire others to do the same. The ripple effect from this can be transformative, affecting lives throughout the world. Compassion, empathy and kindness allow us to see humanity in others and to respond to their needs accordingly.

It is in these moments of genuine kindness that we find deep courage and resilience. We can acknowledge and face our fears and remember to be kind. We each have the strength within us to overcome challenges and the compassion to make the journey worthwhile for ourselves and others. Together, these qualities can make a meaningful difference in our lives and the lives of those around us. Courage, at its core, is not the absence of fear but the willingness to face it. It’s about confronting danger, uncertainty, or intimidation with resolve. As L. Frank Baum wisely put it, “There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. True courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty.”

This courage manifests in various ways. It could be the bravery to stand up for what’s right, even when it’s unpopular. It might be the courage to pursue a dream, despite the risks of failure. Or it could be the everyday courage of facing life’s challenges with resilience and determination. Remember, courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” It’s about perseverance in the face of adversity, the willingness to get back up when life knocks you down. In our journey through life, we will inevitably face situations that test our courage. In these moments, it’s crucial to remember that bravery isn’t about fearlessness – it’s about moving forward despite our fears. As we navigate these challenges, let’s strive to face them with both courage and kindness, creating waves of positive change in our world.

Supporting Others in Their Grief

Much of our emotional and psychological wellness reflects how we think, feel and behave in our everyday lives. Our mental health influences how we experience the world. Each of us is unique and our uniqueness is in great part due to our genetics, the environment in which we were raised and grew up, and how confident, fearful, resilient, etc. we feel in specific situations.

Our mental health also impacts the way we deal with stress, fears, challenges, change, relationships, and getting through difficult times. I recently spoke to a friend who commented that a mutual friend of ours seemed to be stuck in the grief over the death of her friend. The woman I spoke to said it wasn’t healthy for her because she needed to “move on.” I listened and wondered why it was so difficult for this person to witness the deep grief of this other person. I wondered who wrote the book about “acceptable timetables for grief,” and I wondered how it could possibly be okay for someone to judge another person’s mourning. And I realized how often I hear this.

How we mourn and how long we mourn is highly individualized. For some of us we don’t have time to mourn at the time of a dear one’s death. We are too busy caring for others, working, doing whatever needs to be done, and we put our grief “away.” We soldier on. Sometimes that works for a while…till it doesn’t. And then, we may or may not recognize that it is the grief that we did not pay “enough” attention to at the time, that surfaces, demanding to be addressed. And it may be years and sometimes decades when this happens. It surprises us. We say, “that was so long ago; I got through it.” Yes, that can be true. It WAS a long time ago and We DID get through it. But we may not have gotten through it in the way we need now. So, revisiting the grief can help us in ways we were not able to experience in years past.

Some of us can mourn at the time of a loss. If that’s the case, then perhaps our role is to support them through it…however long it takes. And if we see that they are stuck in a place that is hurting them, perhaps we can listen more deeply. Or maybe we can suggest that they consider connecting with a support group for other people dealing with grief. Or maybe, we suggest that they talk with a counselor who understands grief “recovery.”

Tips for supporting those in grief:

• Avoid judgment. There’s no universal timetable for grief. Each person’s journey is unique.
• Listen actively. Sometimes, the best support is simply being present and listening without trying to “fix” things.
• Recognize delayed grief. Grief can surface years or even decades after a loss. A recent loss can trigger a previous one. Understand when someone seems to be grieving “late.”
• Offer practical support. Suggest grief support groups or counseling if the person seems open to it.
• Be patient. Healing takes time. Allow your loved one the space to process their emotions at their own pace.
• Practice empathy. As you tap into a moment in your life when you have experienced deep grief, try to understand the depth of their loss.

Remember, supporting someone through grief is about compassion, not timelines. Our presence and recognition of their experience can be most valuable.

Mindful Consumption of Information

These days, we can consume information at breakneck speeds. Historically, we acquired most of our knowledge through books, lengthy articles, and in-depth discussions. These slower, more thoughtful approaches allowed us to develop a deeper understanding and reflect upon what we took in. Today however, the norm has shifted to rapid consumption of bite-size information online, and the result can be that we only have a superficial grasp of complex topics. This shift diminishes the quality of our processing and understanding of information. And this can impact the ability to engage thoughtfully and critically with the world around us.

To counterbalance this trend, it is crucial to engage in deep, focused reading and learning, free from technological interruptions. Setting aside dedicated time to immerse ourselves in substantial, thought-provoking material can significantly enhance our comprehension and retention. This practice can nurture a more profound engagement with information, instead of leaving us with fleeting and often shallow interactions fostered by social media and constant news feeds.

By cultivating the habit of mindful consumption, we can reclaim our ability to cultivate curiosity, think deeply, reflect meaningfully (while on nature walks!), and truly appreciate the richness of knowledge.