SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is in bookstores and is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!

Getting along with your in-laws isn't always easy, as many know. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, daughters, and sons-in-law are all relationships with potential challenges which can affect your life with your spouse and other extended family members. As we are settling into the new year, now is a perfect time to think about improving these relationships. There are many people who have wonderfully fulfilling and enriching relationships with their in-laws. They appreciate who their in-laws are and look forward to being together. In fact, I believe there are many opportunities to know yourself better by getting along well with your in-laws.

To begin, take a step back. This is particularly important if your previous visit was less than good. Reflect on what happened. Don't blame. Let things percolate a bit so you can figure out how to handle a similar situation should it come up again. Consider changing your attitude and behavior which will then change the patterns in your relationships. Find and focus on something that reflects kindly on your in-laws and make a point of telling them with sincere appreciation. When you do this you are encouraged to focus on attributes of your spouse that you really do admire and value and reflect well on his or her family.

It also helps to be realistic and reasonable. Enlist the help of your partner when trying to improve the relationship with reasonable expectations. When figuring out what sort of relationship would work, remember it will not be the same as your relationship with your family - be it a good or bad relationship. If your in-laws live far away and you don't get to see them very often, instead of "going to the mat" on every little thing, loosen up and allow. You do not have to engage in a "win or lose" situation. Remember that your partner chose to be with you, so for a few days a year you can take a backseat.

Take the high road and communicate respect. This point is particularly important when dealing with a daughter/son-in-law. It could change the dynamic of the relationship and will likely improve it. By agreeing to respect the in-law, it doesn't mean you always have to agree. It's ok to agree to disagree and move on. The key is to respect the other person's opinion and beliefs whether you agree with them or not. If an in-law pushes your buttons, don't take the bait; instead, take a step back.

Finally, take time for yourself. Whether you are with the in-laws on a regular basis or only once in a while, be sure to take time for yourself. Go for a walk or start the day with some stretches and quiet time (while still in bed if need be) so you gather your thoughts and focus on the things for which you feel grateful. Count those blessings before coming downstairs for the morning coffee. This will help buoy you during the time you are together. You want to make sure you have time to relax so you can be in a better place when you do interact with your in-laws.

Bottom line: manage your expectations, don't bite all the bait that is thrown your way, and find time for yourself.

TODAY Show (NBC)
Feb. 2: 9:05 hour: Mothers taking on additional burdens at home.
Feb. 7: Couples Who Live Apart for Financial Reasons

Alzheimer's Foundation of America and Partners in Care: Solutions and Support for Alzheimer's Caregivers
Feb. 28th: 10AM - 3PM, Speaker, Topic: Managing Difficult Behaviors in the Alzheimer's Population
The Lighthouse Executive Conference Center, BV Hall 111 East 59th St., New York, NY.
RSVP: www.bigeventregistration.com/alzheimers, or call 212-299-4292. Registration is free.

Begin and End Your Day with a Smile

Sometimes, when you wake up, you may feel overwhelmed. Not depressed, just tired from all you have to do. Maybe you used to be an optimist who bounded out of bed. Now you just can't seem to face the day.

Before you get out of bed, instead of thinking of all the things waiting for you to do, take a moment as you lie there. Breathe deeply and think of two or three things that make you smile that you are grateful for.

Before you go to bed, give yourself credit for what you did rather than worrying about what needs to be done tomorrow. Think of something pleasant, again that makes you smile, as you doze off to sleep.

Allow the act of smiling to put you in a better frame of mind.

One of the more recent phenomena resulting from the increase in layoffs is that many more fathers are staying at home and assuming more child care responsibilities. Previously, men made the choice (often with the blessing of their partner) and they "prepared" and were "ready" to take on the demands and challenges and chose to do this with an open mind and heart. Often it was for a finite period of time.

Now, we have many more men who lost their jobs and they have to adjust to the shock, disappointment, added stress of losing a job along with having to adjust to a whole new and different (AND DIFFICULT) role as stay at home father. Also, his partner's feelings factor into the equation. She may be angry about the change in their life style or needing to give over child care responsibilities, alter her "schedule," return to work or become the sole earner.

This may not be what either of you "signed on for" but it is what you have NOW. It is no great challenge to be kind to each other when there are easy times. Commit yourself to helping each other during these trying times.

Keep in mind that roles change and if you can detach from the need to have traditional gender roles, each of you will be more free to discover a different and enriched partnership. Replace compassion for criticism and appreciation for blame. Additionally these men have not previously seen themselves as stay at home fathers and may resist or feel uneasy about it. They may be more uncomfortable with the role (especially if they don't take to it well initially), and are still dealing with the mental and emotional issues related to losing their job.

Here are some tips to help you adjust to changing roles:

We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves.

Francis J. Braceland