SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is in bookstores and is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!

In times of illness, particularly a prolonged illness, people often have a difficult time adjusting to the significant changes this can bring in their lives. Old familiar habits that shaped the routine of daily life may become more challenging, adding to the despair that can accompany any chronic illness.

When we are ill, our energy levels may noticeably decrease. Yet, in an era when productivity equates personal worth, we may feel frustration and disappointment with our ability to live up to the work ethic of our earlier lives. We may also compare ourselves with others and feel guilty when we conclude we have not accomplished much while dealing with our illness. This can lead us to overextend ourselves, possibly inhibiting our healing process.

It is at these times that we must take the time to readjust our focus on accepting who we have now become. When you find that you are comparing yourself to others, or against what you used to be able to do, stop yourself. Instead, tell yourself that for now, there is a new standard and you are learning to adapt. This will help you to accept where you are now. Self-acceptance could lead you to feel a significant relief of pressure, and a renewed sense of gratitude and contentment.

Your spiritual journey during illness can begin with simply beginning to notice what feelings come up when you think of not being able to work or accomplish projects because of illness. Are you comparing yourself to others, ill or not? Do you view your personal worth diminished as a result of these comparisons?

Illness is about adaptation to change and acceptance. There is great opportunity for spiritual growth. When you focus on healing and doing what you need to do to find your spiritual center you will likely develop resilience and strength that you did not know you had.

TODAY Show (NBC)
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for updated listings.

New York Institute for Psychotherapy Training in Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence
May 7th: 7:30PM: Sanity Savers: Tips for Parents to Live a Balanced Life
55 Central Park West, New York, NY

Harmony with No Limits 3rd Annual Gala
May 10th: 6:00PM: Honoree of Spirit of Leadership Award
Santa Monica, CA
Info at www.harmonywithnolimits.org

UJA Federation of Greenwich Annual Spring Luncheon
May 14th: 11:00AM: Speaker: Saving Your Sanity: Reminders for Jewish Women
Greenwich, CT

Cosmopolitan Magazine
May 2008 issue: Guest Relationship Expert

Savoring Something We Take For Granted

It is easy to overlook the common things of our daily lives, rushing from moment to moment. Only when one or more of these common things is no longer in our lives do we notice their absence, belatedly appreciating them. We may rush our meals, not taking the time to enjoy the taste of what we are eating, or cut short private time with family and friends, assuming they will be there tomorrow.

Today, slow down one aspect of your daily activities and savor the experience found in just one of the many common things you do.

Relationships should be a safe place. Nobody wants to reveal themselves if they know they will be hurt or attacked. If you are afraid of your partner or what he or she will say then you need to learn conflict resolution skills. It is important to listen with an open heart instead of defending yourself, and to give feedback about what was said to you before you respond. This way, you MUST listen to your partner and AVOID focusing on your response. Give up the need to rebut or offer a flip retort. While your partner is talking, listen wholly. When you respond, offer back what you heard in a kindly manner and then respond so you are sure you heard what he or she said both in words and feeling.

Realize that conflict is normal. Everyone has strong feelings about some things, and your partner can't be expected to know what's really important to you from the day you meet. Further, the most common issues couples argue over are money, in-laws, chores, children, and sex. We all know from experience that many men and women communicate in different ways. And what we learn very quickly when we are in intimate relationships is that men and women from different families communicate in even more varied ways. It is part of the challenge in relationships to understand HOW and WHY your partner's style is what it is.

Keep in mind that conflict can be very productive if it leads to resolution, but harmful if it leads to continued resentment. Conflict sometimes lets us know what's really important to our partners, and hopefully why. Resolving conflict is one of the ways that you and your partner reveal your strengths, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities to each other. If you fight wisely, you learn to rely on each others' strengths, compensate for your weaknesses, and protect your vulnerabilities. Thus, you can't learn "not to disagree" since that is impossible. You can, however, learn how to fight (dare I say, DISCUSS?) productively.

Here are some suggestions for arguing in constructive ways:

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, for they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

Simone De Beauvoir