It's the Season for Celebrations
May and June are the months of many celebrations: weddings, graduations, christenings, confirmations, showers, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. For many of us leading busy lives, these joyous events can be difficult to schedule and become tedious to attend. If family or friends’ relationships are strained, attending one of these events can be even more challenging. How can we honestly be there for others when we have so much going on in our own lives? And how can we honor others when there may be issues between us and with some of the other “players” that add to the perceived friction?

"Being There"
When you are there for others, it means you care and value your relationship with that person. Making the effort to attend functions and events important to a family member, friend or colleague acknowledges your ongoing relationship and the respect you feel for them. But, if you’re there in body only and not in spirit are you really supporting that person and sending an encouraging and loving message?

Maybe It's Time to Reevaluate
If you hear yourself say, “I wish I didn’t have to go” or “I don’t have time for this,” maybe it’s time to re- evaluate your relationship with the person being honored. It may be that you need to do a bit of soul searching, considering what is the best way you can attend, while staying centered and true to yourself. You may need to establish limits on what will be enough and what will be beyond the call of duty. An important consideration as you evaluate the relationship is how much of YOU are you prepared to give?

Do I Want to "Be There"
Ask yourself in what ways are these people important to you, are they worth the energy, and can you share in their enthusiasm (which is often a life passage)? Establish in your own mind and heart what is your place in their life and what is their place in your life (they are often not the same). If you are comfortable with any disparity then you should attend without any preconceived notions or expectations.

Your "Being There" Will Be Felt
Before going, you can increase your energy and really “be there” for that person. They will feel this gift emanating from you. If you cannot do this, maybe you should consider whether this relationship is worth holding on to. When people know you sincerely care, your heart felt warmth is felt and they will be able to receive the message that they are important and have value in your life. With your more challenging relationships, when you reach out and make an effort to be fully present at their life milestones, you will gain from the experience even if it is difficult for them to acknowledge or express gratitude.

Here are Sanity Savers to help you feel more festive when your next invitation arrives:

TODAY Show
Thursday, May 4th, 8:00 or 9:00 hour
Sibling Birth Order & Risky Behavior
Dates and times of more upcoming segments to be posted on Dr. Dale's website.

Naomi's New Morning (Naomi Judd)
The Hallmark Channel

YAI - National Institute for People with Disabilities
Monday, May 1st, 9:00am
Keynote: Keeping Your Balance
Crowne Plaza Manhattan Hotel, NYC

The Power of Possibility: Balance and Sanity
Saturday, May 19th: Keeping the Balance
Saturday, May 20th: Getting Older with Grace and Style
Canyon Ranch, Lenox, MA
>>Register

Coming in June:

Self Image: A Work in Progress
Thursday, June 8th, 1:30pm-3:30pm
92nd Street Y, Makor Center, NYC
>>Register

Rituals are important, helpful and powerful and they work. Performing a ritual is a small way of celebrating or honoring a bigger event in your life. The different phases of a ritual -- preparing, experiencing and closing – maps out the different phases that we all go through in our own lives and helps us transition energy surrounding an event into a positive flow.

Rituals Come in Many Forms
Whether you perform a healing ritual as you anticipate and approach a difficult treatment, ask for a blessing from a clergy person as you leave for an important journey, or eat the same “energy enhancing” breakfast as you prepare to give an important presentation, rituals can be encouraging, valuable, strengthening, reassuring and comforting. They serve to mark events in your life or gain insight into yourself and the meaning of an event or person and are especially useful when we dealing with change.

“Life Brackets” for Beginnings and Endings
People have been practicing cultural, tribal and religious rituals for thousands of years. Rituals can mark events, rites of passage, and relationships with ourselves, other people, animals, places, ideas or things and can help us as we deal with life’s uncertainties. Celebrating health after a particularly difficult series of treatment reminds us of where we are, where we were, and where we hope to go. Marking birthdays, anniversaries (of people’s connections as well as of deaths of those we love, moving into our homes, finishing a particular project) keep us connected to what has particular meaning for us.

Here are some TIPS to incorporate rituals into your life:

• Perform an Old Ritual or Design Your Own – Rituals are most effective if it’s one that has unique meaning to you. The whole point of performing a ritual is to feel something move within the center of your being. You know, your heart feels full, you get goose bumps on your arms or tears well in your eyes. If you don’t feel such a connection this particular life passages may be more difficult.
• Incorporate “Everyday” Life Rituals - Morning coffee and reading the paper; walking the dog along a familiar path, calling a friend at the same time each week can be simple ways to ritualize a familiar pattern. When something happens to shake up our lives (illness, death, job loss), what helps keep our sanity and our balance is holding onto and maintaining our routines and rituals. Somehow, that makes us feel grounded and safer. Everyday routines can become rituals if you pay close attention to them and focus on the change you hope to experience as a result of the ritual.
• Beginning and Ending Life Events - Rituals help us to deal with life’s challenges and can offer paths to unique insights. It is important when you perform a ritual that you suspend judgment and just allow yourself to “be” with the practice of the ritual. Rituals guide us through foggy times of our lives and can help to bring us clarity. Tearing up a letter into miniscule pieces from someone who has hurt you and since died can be a freeing way to relegate them to your past. Writing your fears on a piece of paper and lighting them on fire as you watch them burn to ash can be amazingly liberating. Rituals can be family oriented; reflect a long standing tradition such as a rite of passage (confirmation or a funeral) or it can be as personal as the naming of a child, the scattering a friend’s ashes.
• Slow Down - You cannot perform a ritual at accelerated speed. By slowing the pace, you can think and feel in a way you were unable to before. Pay attention to the time, place and setting. Where and how are you going to do this? Be sure you are not going to be disturbed as you begin your process. Allow yourself time to do what you want to do and feel whatever comes.
• Think About the Process - Why do you want to do this ritual? What do you intend to get from it? Your heart must be open to the experience. Ask yourself this question and jot down the answers. Through the ritual, allow yourself to gain a different perspective on a situation. Try to end the ritual with an awareness that you did what you felt you needed to do at this time.
• Get Your Tools Around You - You may need scents, colors, materials from nature, art supplies. Collect whatever you need to “make” what you need to help you.
• Keep it Simple - Simplicity is a key element of rituals. Rituals can be as simple as lighting a candle or filling a vase with flowers or thinking a special thought .You may find singing a tune from your childhood brings you back to a central point of comfort. Including cinnamon may remind you of early Sunday morning French toast smells of your childhood.

Try this Ritual When Faced with a Decision
Perform the YOGA “mountain” posture by firmly planting your feet on the ground, placing your hands at your side and standing tall. Visualize being a tree of your family – a family tree – where you are rooted to your ancestors both in the ground and in the heavens. Listen for guidance from those in your ancestry.

Take a deep breath during various times of the day as you look at something beautiful. Or take that breath as you close your eyes and imagine a restful place.

In that mode, respond to these questions:

• What did I do today to realize my purpose in this world?
• Did I extend myself beyond my immediate circle of responsibility?

Breathing is a great way to relieve stress and find some inner reflection.

Inspired by Michael Berg, Los Angeles, CA.

Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

Socrates