It's May and time for college students to return home. Before you panic, remember the major goal is to stay close and not alienate your soon-to-be young adult child.

If you want your college student to come home and be comfortable, acknowledge that a passage has happened. Give them a lot of room. They are spreading their wings and it's a healthy time for exploration.

Here are some other Sanity Savers for you to be aware of upon your child's return:

• Establish new criteria hopefully a month before or right upon their return. Find middle ground between "old" rules and "no" rules. Think about paying bills, summer jobs, savings for the fall semester, neatness at home and sexuality issues regarding sleeping arrangements for visiting boy/girlfriends.
• Respect their private lives as they should respect yours.
• Do NOT roll the clock back. Both you and your returning college student have changed.
• See the world through their eyes. Get to know who they are growing into and becoming.
• Don't encourage regression. Making a habit of sleeping till 1:00pm is a problem. Kids have to learn to pace themselves.

Trust, let go, kick back, relax and enjoy their visit. Remember this is time limited - at most 10 weeks!

May 2nd (9:45am)
MSNBC News
Commentary about Runaway Bride and Pre- Wedding Jitters

May 2nd (8:00pm)
ABC NEWS NOW "Inside the Newsroom"
Commentary about Runaway Bride

May 4-10th (11-2:00pm)
Featured Wellness Speaker (Canyon Ranch at Sea)
Queen Mary 2, Trans-Atlanic Crossing

May 23rd (7-8:30pm)
Teens & Anti-Semitism:What We Wish Our Parents Knew (ADL)
The Conservative Synagogue, Westport, CT

May 25th (8:00am Grand Rounds)
Keeping Your Balance: Parents and Professionals Learning from One Another as They Provide the Best for a Population with Extra Needs
Premium Health Care, NYC

May/June 2005 Issue AARP Magazine
Setting Limits: How to Strike the Right Balance Between Doing Too Much for Your Parents - And Not Doing Enough

My new book, co-authored with Annie Gilbar, Wedding Sanity Savers: How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day will be in bookstores on June 7th but you can pre-order it today by clicking below.

Addressing the psychological pitfalls that go with getting married, Wedding Sanity Savers shares questions and answers from my advice column on WeddingChannel.com and offers brides, grooms and their families a helpful guide during the wedding process.

Given the recent headlines about the Runaway Bride, it's important that we focus on pre-wedding jitters that are not taken to the extreme.

When someone announces their intentions to marry, the usual (and desired) response is joy, excitement, and immediately going into "planning" mode. Why, then, is there so much stress?

Given that a wedding involves a) being asked to make a huge change in one's life; b) making both a decision and lifetime commitment; c) adjusting to your own and someone else's family; d) being the center of attention; e) compromising in areas where you feel strongly; and f) questioning if you will lose your identity, it is virtually impossible to glide through it flawlessly. However, it still can be interesting and fun.

Here's how to keep an open mind:

• Be aware of stress. When it appears, acknowledge it and find ways to manage it. People handle stress and change in a variety of ways. Be sensitive.
• Recognize the phases in the wedding process. Everyone's adjustment process is different.
• Plan as much as you can as early as you can so that you have some time to enjoy the process, your fiance, and other aspects of your life.
• Get rid of needing things, people, services to be "perfect." Recognize that everything will not be perfect! And remember, there is a big difference between perfection and high standards.
• Face your fears and write about them.
• Ask questions about what it is like to be married. So many people focus only on the wedding and forget about what this is all about; building a life with someone you love.
• Share and delegate some responsibilities to those you can trust. Don't let your friend hand dip the chocolate strawberries if she knows nothing about cooking/entertaining.
• Slow Down. Stay in the moment. Practice some quieting exercise (meditation, walking, prayer, yoga) every day.

I'm Ok, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works is now in paperback!